Foreword

In small strides, our blog continues to evolve, as we hope you have since the start of the new year. We are turning a new chapter too, increasing our student engagement efforts to build up  MacEwan’s creative writing community. We are grateful to you for bringing us closer together with each new article you share and read. 

Whether you’re hardly keeping your head above water or treading at a steady pace, the new semester is heavy upon us and, for many of you dear readers, midterms are on the horizon. Hopefully, these past few weeks have set your year up for success. But, if you’ve already lost momentum on your resolutions, you can take comfort in joining the majority of us.

January’s edition of our newsletter, In The Loop, featured the monthly theme of “new beginnings.” It’s a new chapter for the blog and for Bianca Valenzuela, the courageous student who wrote an open letter to you, testifying to the power of reinvention. Readers, may you have the same courage to reinvent yourselves as many times as necessary to embark on each new adventure. 

Your Blog Editors,

Angela Mlowe and Zoey McRae

To Whom It May Concern

By: Bianca Valenzuela 

To Whom It May Concern,

Sometimes, I wonder why I never get the good part of anything. I wonder why I was always the test subject and why my life always felt like a whole experiment as if someone would win the Nobel prize for successfully ruining it. 

I am the daughter of someone who got pregnant early in her life. I am a friend to those who view me as one only when convenient but forget about me the rest of the time. I was a romantic interest to those who thought to make me their first girlfriend, only to ruin my life afterwards. 

Have you heard that one line empathizing with mothers that goes, “It’s her first time being one, cut her some slack?” Or that one that says, “ Low-maintenance friendships happen sometimes?” Or, “You could’ve said no?” Or, “Life happens?” You probably have, especially if you’ve scrolled through your social media accounts past 3 AM when insomnia is trying to ruin your life, too—basically, those times when no one’s on your side, even yourself. 

My point is that my life was like an experiment, and sometimes it feels like it still is, no longer the test subject of my mother, friends, and lovers, but of myself. I try to do things I’m not sure I can do, because otherwise, how would I know, right? I talk to people I didn’t think I would talk to, and surprisingly, those people become my friends, and we plan trips together to god knows where. 

If you had told a version of me three years ago that I would be in Canada, better than before (both mentally and well, geographically), she would not believe it. She would not believe that even if she were the failed eldest child of her family, or even if she deserved whatever shit treatment she got from everyone, there would come a day when she would feel better and a tad bit happier. 

If you told her all that, she’d probably cry. Nasty snot and all. 

Three years ago, I wouldn’t have done all of this: Socialize, volunteer, dance, or even live. Three years ago, I would’ve given it all up. One thing I realize now, though, is that time is a social construct. It’s never the same for everyone, and it never will be.

Maybe I went through rough patches in my life when I felt like a failed science experiment or when I felt I didn’t deserve the good parts of people, but I’ve learned to get over that. Maybe everything is not about me. Maybe it’s about them. Sure, I’ve had sleepless nights thinking about how worthless I am, but trust me, it gets better. 

It’s not my fault my mother wasn’t the best. It’s not my fault that my friends didn’t value me as much as I did them. It’s not my fault that my supposed “partners” were shit at being partners. It’s definitely not my fault if I’m still navigating through life with all these heavy past experiences and traumas on my shoulders. But it would be my fault if I dragged every mistake with me as I walked head-on through life. What would be my fault is not starting all over again to allow better things to happen.

Sometimes, we must take a step back to breathe and do it all over again. Maybe a new beginning? Maybe a not-so-new beginning? Who knows. Just give yourself a chance to experience new things. Don’t let anything that happened in the past hold you back. Don’t let yourself hold you back.

Here’s to new beginnings, 

Someone Who Needed That Whole Do-Over